KRAP News at Eleven/Campus Crashers

From the Porplemontage Studios Wiki

In which: Kent goes to college.

Cast (in order of appearance): Announcer, Rex Stangle, various rioters and looters, the owner of a Hummer, a druggie student, the Chief of Police

Originally debuted on: September 30, 2007

Page title: It's back-2-school time!

1 Transcript
2 Explanations
3 Real-world references
4 External links

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Transcript

{An opening title similar to the previous ones, with updated graphics and slightly different instrumentation in the music. The words "at eleven" also appear this time.}

Announcer: Live from some guy's basement, this is KRAP News at Eleven!

{The lights fade in on the newsroom with Rex Stangle at his desk.}

Rex Stangle: Good evening. I'm Rex Stangle, and welcome to KRAP News. Somewhat disturbing story tonight, a riot has broken out at a local university.

{A news bug appears in the top-right corner of the screen with the words "SUXTABY U" in college letter-jacket lettering.}

Rex: For more, we go to our on-the-mark reporter, Kent Stark. Kent?

{Cut to Kent outdoors at night. A person is seen running past behind him, and explosions appear in the distance. The caption reads "KENT STARK (FIRST TIME AT COLLEGE)"}

Kent: Thank you, Rex. I'm reporting live from the quad where even as I speak, the situation is going from bad to pot.

{Cut to a shot of a high-rise dormitory. There is a fire going on in one of the rooms. A student is seen jumping from a window. A couch bumps into a windowframe a couple times, unable to fit. The caption reads "CARNAGE! (YOU SAW IT HERE FIRST, FOLKS)}

Kent: Flaming couches and flaming idiots are both flying out of windows.

{Cut to another location. A student runs across, carrying a television set.}

Kent: Looters are stealing expensive electronics.

{Another looter pops up in front of the camera and grabs it. The camera shuts off.}

Kent: And vehicles are being overturned in the parking lot.

{Cut to a student trying to push over a Hummer. A large man in a tank-top is standing nearby.}}

Large man: Ha, ha! You can't flip my Hummer; it's too heavy. Haha!

{The student turns and begins walking towards the man with an angry look.}

Large man: Whoa. Hey. What are you doing? Hey! Oh!

{The student knocks him over and punches him repeatedly Cut back to Kent.}'

Kent: At the moment, the authorities have yet to arrive. However, it—

{The screen is split. Kent is on the left; Rex is on the right.}

Rex: Um, hang on a moment. What's... what's the cause of all this chaos?

Kent: We're... not exactly sure. I tried to get an interview earlier; uh... Jerry can we roll the footage please?

{Cut to a scene near a building. A student with discolored skin and crazy eyes is sitting (lying?) against the wall. The caption reads "A STUDENT? (WAITING FOR CAPTAIN JACK)"}

Kent: Excuse me...uh...kid.

Student: Yeah?

Kent: I'm told you have some idea what's causing all this ruckus; is that right?

Student: Oh, yeah. You see— {coughs} Tomatoes in carcass, rumble-dumble, on the President's carpal tunnel nunchucks, before we caramelized the snow gear! {hacks and Wheezes}' And the dean... never circled red Pikachu parmasan limo. And, well, that's just not disco, you know what I'm sayin'?

Kent: Uh... could you by any chance repeat that... in... human?

Student: Ah, *bleep* you, media person. You wouldn't understand the Flamingo Tuba Sled.

{The student keels over. Cut back to the splitscreen.}

Rex: Wow. Well, that was, uh... certainly a revealing glimpse into the mindset of the student body, anyway.

Kent: Or lack thereof, in his case.

{Cut back to fullscreen of Kent.}

Kent: Oh! Oh. Hold on. We've just received word that the police have at last arrived on the scene. Excuse me, I have to go get an interview with the chief. Excuse me! Chief!

{The Chief of Police enters.}

Kent: Kent Stark, KRAP News. Would you, uh, would you care to tell the viewers what, uh, what took you so long to get here?

{A caption appears reading "CHIEF OF POLICE (THE HEAD FUZZ)"}

Chief of Police: Well, we woulda gotten here sooner, but, uh... some idiot blocked the road with their news van.

{Kent looks surprised and embarrassed.}

Kent: I see. Okay, uh, that, I guess that's all. Uh, carry on.

{The Chief exits the scene.}

Kent: And now back to you, Rex.

{Cut back to Rex.}

Rex: Thank you. Be sure to tune in tomorrow for our followup, when we interview the hungover students rotting in jail. For KRAP News, this is Rex Stangle; goodnight America.

{The screen dims. Credits roll.}

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Explanations

This entire episode was inspired by a quote by cartoonist D.C. Simpson that "I Go Pogo" campaign buttons (referring to a comic strip character from the 1950s-1970s who pretended to run for President every election year) had once caused riots on college campuses. Credit for this is given at the end.
"Gone to pot" is an expression meaning that a situation has gotten completely out of control.

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