Bloo Toons/Episode 10
From the Porplemontage Studios Wiki
In which: We see Bloo Toons as it existed in the silent era, a bloo fights off a Screamer, and we discover that it is indeed possible to burn your tongue in a video game.
Cast (in order of appearance): Old Timey Bloo Villain, Old Timey Bloo Kid, Optimus Prime, Bloo #1, Bloo #2, Bloo #3, Big Face (part 1) / Bloo #4, Bloo #5, Bloo #6
Page title: Bloo season finale! (part 1) / Vacate the area! (part 2)
Contents |
Transcript
Part One
SCENE 1
{Open on a black-and white silent film, with a bloo villain and his would-be victim standing in front of a pair off cheerful-faced. A piano plays ragtime music in the background. The characters's dialogue appears in white text on black screens after their mouths have finished moving.}
Bloo Kid: Hey there, buddy!
Villain: You do know we're enemies, right?
Bloo Kid: No.
Villain: Well, we are.
Bloo Kid: Your mom is my enemy!
{Optimus Prime pops in from the right side of the screen.}
Optimus Prime: Zing!
{Optimus Prime leaves.}
Villain: Well, I hereby announce today I will kill you!
Bloo Kid: Can I help?
Villain: No.
Bloo Kid: Shucks. (on a second screen) So, how are you gonna do it?
{The Villain pulls out a mallet from behind his back.}
Villain: I'll smash you with my mallet!
Bloo Kid: Will it hurt?
Villain: Yessir, it will.
Bloo Kid: I should probably run.
Villain: lol, n00b...
Bloo Kid: Bye.
{The Villain raises his mallet slowly, and the boy runs off, followed in quick pursuit by the Villain. The music from The Benny Hill Show starts playing. He chases the boy across the screen a couple times, then across a continuously-looping landscape. This goes on for about half a minute.}
SCENE 2
{A bloo is sitting at his computer. His monitor reads "E-mail" in huge letters. Cut to a closeup of his face.}
Bloo 1: Ooh, my friend just sent me an e-mail. Ha, it's got one of these games where you have to... look really closely into the screen... and then you have to get your mouse from like, one point to the other. Yeah, I'll beat it really easy. All right, ummmm....
{He stares at the screen for a while. Cut back to him sitting at his computer, which still just says "E-mail." Then suddenly the screen says "Boo!" and a loud screech is heard. This scares him out of his seat. He pops back up with an army helmet on.}
Bloo 1: Aaaaagh! Rage against the machines! Uh... (stutters)
{He pulls out a long-barreled shotgun and starts shooting it at the screen. The screen erupts in a shower of red and blue wires as it falls over backward.}
Bloo 1: Take this, you stupid... you stupid machine... you stupid computer try'na take over our universe! Take that! Take that! Take that!
{He puts down the shotgun.}
All right, phone, phone...
{He gets out a red, corded telephone receiver.}
Bloo 1: Mr. President. Mr. President. Yes, this is not a drill. This is not, a drill. The machines have attacked. The machines, have, attacked.
SCENE 3
{Two bloos are standing near the edge of a cliff.}
Bloo 2: So um... so I say, "Man, you can't do that. That's not how you play this game. You have to take your Chance cards just like everyone else." He just rollllls his eyes and says, "You can have my Boardwalk. I'm not playing anymore." He walks away and I never see him again. Isn't that weird?
{Bloo #2's eyes get really big.}
Bloo 2: I'm a pineapple-AAAAAAAAA...
{He jumps backwards off the cliff. Bloo #1 hops over to the edge and peers over. Cut to Bloo #2 falling until he falls into the mouth of a giant face, which chews him up and swallows him.}
Part Two
SCENE 4
{Open on a black screen.}
Narrator: The following takes place between 11 and 12 p.m.
{Cut to a semi-closeup of two Bloos facing each other.}
Bloo 4: Ha ha.
Bloo 5: What?
Bloo 4: Oh, man. They just found a mod, another mod in one of those games. Oh... it makes it so you can, you can like, throw people 300 miles. Seriously, I can't believe they're fi-- people are putting all these mods into the games.
Bloo 5: Yeah, that's kind of a stupid mod.
Bloo 4: I know, but hey, it's better than that stupid "hot coffee" one.
{Cut to Bloo #5 (possibly) standing in a room with a coffee cup. He takes a sip.}
Bloo 5: Oh, this coffee. Ooh, ouch, it burned my tongue. This is some hot coffee. Holy crap. That like, burned the inside of my mouth. Geez. Oh man, I'm writing a memo about this.
INTERMISSION
{The screen goes white. As the voice speaks, the words appear on the screen in black.}
Voice: Raggle... Fraggle.
{The usual black screen with white smiley-face logo appears.}
Announcer: The following is brought to you by a couple of blue guys with strong opinions.
{The sceen goes white.}
Unseen voice: All right, all right, all right. So... I was with this shark.
{A blue shark appears.}
Voice: This shark filled with crap.
{Poop appears in the shark's mouth.}
Voice: And all of a sudden, these...
{Three pieces of toast with arms, legs, and faces, liquid cheese spilling out the top, and what presumably is slices of onion shaped like crowns appear opposite the shark.}
Voice: ...cheese-filled onion toasts... came up out of nowhere. Aaaand, they started to say the word "pee"...
{The word "Pee" appears onscreen. It and the toasts jump up and down.}
Voice: ...all over... and over again.
{The camera cuts back. A giant larva with a face appears above all this.}
Voice: And then this giant larva comes up and he's like, (in a menacing voice) "I'm a larva!"
{The larva starts shaking. The camera cuts back again and a thunderbolt, colored in a gold-blue gradient, with a face, appears at right.}
Voice: And then this blue-orange lightning bolt guy... is like...
{The lightning bolt shakes as Bloo says this}
Voice: ..."Wanna see me lift my weight in buffalo?" (pause) Yeah, it was a weird evening. But hey, that's what you get when you go to McDonald's.
{Cut back to the white face logo.}
Announcer: The previous was brought to you by a couple of blue guys with strong opinions.
SCENE 5
{A Bloo is standing on a grassy field. For a long time, nothing happens. Then a metal beam supporting a swinging metal leg with a boot on the end slides into position and kicks him over backwards. He gets up again, and is again kicked over. He gets up a second time. This time a huge weight reading "lots lbs." crushes him. Then the boot kicks that offscreen.}
(END)
Real-World References
- The phrase "lol, n00b" refers to Internet speak. It basically means, "Ha ha, amateur."
- The Benny Hill Show is a British TV comedy most famous for having wacky chase scenes. The music has been lifted many times for cartoon chase scenes.
- The game Bloo #1 received a link to is a "screamer," a prank Flash file designed to scare the viewer/user by getting them to focus on something on the screen (and, often, turn up the volume) and then suddenly cut to a hideous face with a loud scream. This one happens to be a real screamer, namely "Don't Touch the Walls".
- McDonald's is an international fast-food chain.
